Monday, July 23, 2012

Being The Less Favourite

I really have no idea how to put this across. I don't even know whether writing this would be right or wrong. All I know is, its hard to keep it in. I had to vent it out. So here I go.

Sometimes you end up questioning yourself, where did you go wrong? Why is it that the people around you; mind it the same people whom you love from the bottom of your heart, subject you to griefs which seem humanly impossible to get dissolved? Why, in this whole world, you feel targeted? Not that you are the only son, or the only one, yet you feel the elbow of disgrace, poking you in the gut, and asking you to step out, become the odd one out. And you do that, because the moment you retort, you are seen as an insensitive and ill mannered human, who doesn't respect the "pragmatic" views of elders. So, you remain mum, and bear the  shelling of the circumstances. And this is repeated over and over again. You are asked questions, doubts are raised,  there is interference in your dialogues and you are forcibly cornered. 

All this when a person of a less age, less qualification, less prominence and less awareness is loved more by the same people. Its like, in a college, when the super seniors  lash out at the seniors in front of their immediate juniors. You are the one who is doubted. And its painful. 

But still, you live and breathe. Because, "Subah hoti ha, aur sham hot hai, zindagi mere dost yahi tamam hoti hai.."

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Wings That Bleed


The pen that struts of my feelings,
Carries along a pompous lie,
Because my ambitions are mashed by perpetual thoughts,
And thus, the wings that bleed, can never fly.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

A 99% True Love Template. Rest Don't Fall In Love.

When I know the title of what I am going to write, it usually turns out to be a concrete piece. Here, today, I somehow attempt to put together a template of how a relationship, a "serious" one traverses its path. I know, the content is going to be wronged by many, but I would like to submit that all this is merely my sole observation of the various relationships around me, that have been, or are existing. Somehow, all this is common in all, and its pretty surprising! Not that I don't believe in love, but even after sharing a common frame, I hear of  "true" love every second day.

Anyway, I would begin in the typical Bollywood style. For me its unfair to tag it "Bollywood Style", because its common sense, that those who make films never held a camera immediately after exiting the womb. Nor did they fall in love on the first day of their life. They, obviously, had seen it, probably gone through it, and then only made a self reflection of it, and called it a movie. So, even though we say Bollywood is not real, it is based on some form of pragmatic experiences. 

So, these two people meet. Love at first sight, maybe not. But they like each others vibes. They begin by exchanging a pen, or maybe some notes, or maybe a seat on an airplane, or any random instance that brings them close enough to talk face to face. And there it ends.

Yes, ends. The normalcy ends. The simplicity of the time ends. A second, is no more a second, its probably an hour if they are away from each other. And its probably a thousandth part of a moment, if they are together for a coffee. The naive hair seems to be a bone of contention with self satisfaction about how they look in the mirror. No, its not one sided. Both the hearts are equally plunged deep into the abyss of affection.  Both are about to experience a world unseen, a feeling altogether alien. 

Months pass, and meetings have happened. Uninterrupted phone calls are a daily affair. Few outings as close friends have resulted in good pictures. And suddenly one fine moment, a phone call at night, transforms into the birth of an entirely two different beings! Confession happens and is followed by the best giddiness both ever experienced. Life seems to be the best at the time you are in love. It feels like every moment, you need the person with you. A sudden connection to someone entirely unknown, makes you feel weak in the knees. Smiles are exchanged and all fears seem timid in front of the deluge that the heart sinks into.Some weeks pass, and the first kiss happens. Hands are held, and the world seems the best place to be in. Hugs happen, and intimacy grows. Eyes are the most addictive thing for them. The bodies fuse, and a promise of eternal love seems to be made.

Months and months go by. Phone calls are still a daily affair, but somehow, its not the same as it was that day, the first day. Two cups of coffee are still brewing on the table between the two hearts, yet the warmth is missing. However, the feeling remains strong still, and a few days out of contact, renders the heart trembling, as if without oxygen. Struggling, falling, picking the ego up and leaving behind self respect a million times, the souls entangle yet again into an unbound love. Or is it addiction?

Years go by. The coffee turns cold and the phone is switched to the airplane mode, even while watching the TV at home, or working in the kitchen. The makeup fades away, and its the same shirt of the previous day. Its monotonous. Its not like it was supposed to be, like the first day, the first smile, the first look. It turns to a daily affair. Suddenly, two human beings, earlier with unmatched compatibility develop disagreements on the most trifle issues. Arguments grow like a money plant, hugging the ego and the self respect. Snide comments and mind games are a daily affair now. Phone calls, seem to be like a burden. Irrespective of the past, the present seems to be poisoned. The air seems to choke them to isolation, yet isolation suddenly appears to be a better state to be than this insanity. Games for avoiding the other occupy the brain, instead of the mushy feeling of closeness of thoughts. Frustrations and gambles with ones own heart increase, and the other won over heart of the partner in them seems to be a waste. And so, one fine day, one of them decides to throw the won over heart of the partner away, and moves towards a "better life". The other is left battling the suddenness of the situation, which eventually, some or the other day, submits itself to the wholesome and the Zeus healer: Time. 

Few more years pass by, and the two souls who once went to the same school of thought, are now separate.  "Two bodies one soul" is now "Two bodies no soul". Life moved on, both the hearts now beat separately. In two different corners of the world. And one day, one of them, comes to know that the other heart has now a different partner. Anguish flows through like a searing arrow, and yet, the discomfort is accompanied by the strength to bear the pain. The strength, provided by the pain. Months pass without even thinking about each other, and on their birthday, they wish each other. For the hurt, hope begins to loom large. For the one who hurt, its nothing new. And so, the end is actually not the end. The hope and despair are always a part of the times. Even after several years, a random conversation brings the past again. The end again. Yet, the one who killed it, gets over it and laughs, and the one who was killed, just smiles. The coffee thus, was spilled forever. 

PS: Its as concise as it could be. Zillion variations are possible, and thus, no offence to anyone. 

Saturday, July 7, 2012


Oh, its dark again,
And I, the only one, who remains.

Oh, its late at night,
And again I the one who mediates the fight.

Oh its the lonely time,
No friends no foes, only a shadow of mine.

Oh, its the shining star,
So near, yet so far.

And so I lie, in the bed of hope,
A hope to live just one more hope.