Thursday, October 23, 2008

Alpha-209: A Changed Life. (Part II)

The sky turns burning red as I walk down the pavement of the Chitrakut block, observing indivuduals with their unmanaged practical records walking out after going through a gruesome practical exam. How unconnected these people are, yet they seem to be linked with each other since eras undefined. I sit down near the red pavement and rest myself against the cold wall behind me. I reciprocate the warm greeetings and the exuberant smiles which I recieve from people who know me, even after knowing that the smile is the only thing they have for me at that moment.

I walk back with heavy footsteps to my hostel. The guard greets me with his peculiar style. I reciprocate with mine. The smile is still there on my face. And the FEAR still inside. The fear..the fear of facing the walls again. The fear of fighting with my thoughts, trying hard to stop them from engaging in a merciless encounter with me. The fear of arguing with the inscrutable shouts of the air. The fear of facing the mirror and avoiding to see myself. The fear of getting my expressionless face readable by one and all and then answering the queries which seem more like evil taunts. Its THIS FEAR which has become a part of me. I FEAR TO ENTER ALPHA 209. 
Just because as soon as i look towards any corner of it, a strong happy reminiscence associated with it takes birth in my mind. It grows develops, and ends up in instilling a painful memory. Just because as soon as I look out of the rusted window I imagine a ME smiling and inhaling a big volume of positively energised oxygen with a stretch of relieved smile on his face. And as soon as the imagination dies out, there stands a quiet, sober and an unreadable ME, looking out of that bloody rusted window, expecting his imagination to have lasted just a bit more longer.......just a bit more.........just enough to spend a lifetime. 

But it doesnt. As soon as the air strokes my rough skin, it wakes me up to the reality. And there comes my friendly thought...."Why the hell did you even STEP in this room?" A room which seemed to be full when I used to be in it. Now it has become a four walled quizmaster ruthlessly torturing me. A room which had catapulted me to various levels of feeling lucky, now, disgraces each and every moment I spend sitting inside it. I had a "Life" before entering Alpha 209..a relaxed one. Now its a fight in there always..Me vs. the sheer unpredictability of the appearence of the thought and its kind. 

I just need one answer from YOU,