Tuesday, April 21, 2009

An accidental morning... (ewww!)

At this point of time, I am experiencing such vivid twirls in my heart, that it makes me go bonkers in my brain. Its 6:31 am and the first thought that came to my mind was, "What the hell am I doing online at this time? Am I really awake!!? Or is it a dream that refuses to establish its identity! How the hell could you commit this sin of getting up so early!!" Running in the meadow of my beautiful thoughts, some erogenous, some tempting me enough to just close my eyes and just fall back to sleep, others alarming me of the conscious battle fury which I engaged myself into last night, dedicated towards making a decision of studying this semester... I decide to just pen down my state right now.

Why am I wasting time here on net? I should be studying instead! That was the primer. The frozen nerve feeling at my pinky, arising from the elbow joint managed to dissuade me from me drawing conclusions. I got reminded of this friend of mine. A very close friend. According to her, I 'malfunction' after 12 o'clock in the night. And again in the morning with the sun, I transcend into this personality of a normal engineering student. I wonder how this is possible? Have I grown into one classic case of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)? What crap am I thinking at 6:30 in the morning!!!!!!!!!!

I break my reverie with the help of her reminiscences fruiting inside me. I get this non familiar feeling of discomfort inside me. Surprizingly discomfort as this wasn't associated with her. Actually, this shouldn't be associated with her. Like you jolt, when you accidently touch a metallic frame of a cooler without earthing, I too jolted, though all inside on the thought of her being with me again. I so wish not to think about it. Successfull in this attempt to curb this feeling, I draw out the curtains to let the sunshine embrace my face and make it warm..I open my eyes and let the light fall upon me..and then it clicked:

"To hell with everything, its just 6:45! Go to sleep moron!!"

And allowing myself for this, I fall back on this routine hostel bed of mine, with this blue printed bedsheet, and just wonder, "how damn random can my life be? I woke up at 6:30 in the morning to write this thing!!!?? Do I really need medical care?

No, maybe its just the "malfunction". And I enjoy it. It lets me introspect in my mad mad way. Though its some crappy, insignificant stuff that breeds in my useless brain, it does find its significance on its own at some later point in time. In life. And what could be more comforting than the feeling of knowing yourself, knowing your desires and being able to soul-search with effectiveness? This could be enough to eradicate the evil around in humanity if people dwell upon their innerselves. Just randomly like it happened with me this accidental morning. And then this applies:
"If you know what you want, then you know how to work towards getting it." Simple.


Anonymous said...

heyyyyyyyyyyy chill chill breathe.. :) subah subah itne saare vichaar... :)

everything is just fine.. you are acting just like how all of us are acing at this early 20s phase of our lives...

my recommendation is not to go in for too much of self judgement.. :)

stay happy stay blessed!! :)

p.s. nice template.. :D

Aarthi said...


All such random thoughts pop into our heads often!! Nothing is wrong with you as such!

Don't keep thinking so much on such lines... :)

"If you know what you want, then you know how to work towards getting it." This is so true!! Practically possible as well!!



Anonymous said...

I am laughing all the way! See your day will go amazing you thought such a nice person early in the morning eh? An accidental morning with an incidental friend? Why the ewww? :(

Anonymous said...

hmmm not BPD but DID !! You definitely have DID after the lights go off!

Nik said...

Arre i was jus penning it down....! nothing too serious abt it!!

But to be true this tym me a lil worried abt my upcoming exams...(from 11th :( ) and u can just consider it to be REEEEEALLLLLLLLYYY IMP for me....

Isliye my brains going haywire.. ;P

Nik said...

Exactly! "Practically possible as well!" I hope this bolsters me !

Thanks! :)

Nik said...


You.... :x And the eewwww! was cuz i cudnt believe myself! U know me..getting up at 5!! IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME.

Will tell u later.....

And abt the BPD, Im seriously considering to become your first patient....(Dare u make a MISTAKE in my diagnosis :x)....

Hopeless Romantic said...

Ahh....i have seen all this in the hostel life...sleeping in the morning after the night outs during the exam seasons...getting waked up due to exam syllabus not complete...i was in the hostel during my engg days n those days were the best days of my life...i fully empthaise with such kind of anxiety attacks in the morning...just conc on ur work n take it day by by hr...well written do well in exams...all the best :)

Nik said...

Thanx brother...and i appreciate you liking it. And this was just a light hearted feeeling....! nothing too serious about it....!