Hey..

Huh..finally. I am back. Again! :P Yes, I return again to this world of words and emotions. I have no clue what to say and what not to about my absence. The only thing that I can say is that this habit of intermittent appearances that I possess is actually not intentional. Its the outcome of ENGINEERING!

But the ironical shit is that, last time when I was on a writing spree, my "ENGINEERING" end semester exams for the 4th semester were going on. Today, when I decide to return to this, I have just entered my room after giving my end semesters again! I have no idea what kind of a drive do my final exams instill in me that I really feel like writing. Or maybe its the more probable reason that I can think of: Ab kuch ho nahi sakta, jitna padhna tha padh liya, 10 din ke baad ghar jaana hai, so relax!" :P

However, the interesting part is, that whenever I think of relaxing during my exams, I think of blogging. For people who know me know that I have blogged mostly to vent out. Not to display my literary skills, or that I have ample time in my hands that I feel like playing with the keyboard and play "tap-tap". I have no explanation, why do i feel like venting out ONLY during my exams. I just do. And this is what I feel like now.

Anyway, its been time that I wrote something. Not that I am a master of the pen, but still I feel all of you who read me must be missing me a lot :P ..

So guys I am back, (no guarantee till when will I stay.. :P i am serious!!) and I have to write. Stuff has been happening. Good, bad, dirty, fun, etc.. So here I am.. this is me...! (With due respect to Bryan adams. :P)


Chao...

Place for my head!

I am wondering why I am writing here when I usually prefer a paper, that too which is kept to myself. But then I looked around and glanced at the clock. 3.10pm. And I realised that this is the second time I am waking up in a day. I cant find a paper and a pen. No one is at home. Brother out for tuitions, mom and dad on work....and me...On this couch where I fell asleep 3 hours ago after having breakfast. Fell asleep again...3 hours ago.

Sometimes what happens, you are sitting in a bus(whatever), and your glance lands on an aged man in the corner of the street busy in his chore. And your mind starts building image of the personality about that person. And you reach on a conclusion about his family, maybe he is living alone etc. You think "He must be around 50-60, with a small house, earning his daily wages..Maybe he is arrogant, and is not in good health.....his wife and kids are living alone some kms away. Maybe he had sacrificed a lot for his family and now is living alone for them to be happy. Maybe he was a kind soul, yet arrogant, and person with values......." ...and what not. You draw out a complete image of his heart and his life. And mind you, all this takes just a split second i.e. as your bus(whatever) turns around that corner.

The other side of the coin is you come across a person, whom you talk to, unlike the old man at that street. Whom you become friends with. Whom you just...just like to talk to. And so you do. For hours and days and months.........And you rest yourself in the comfort that the person is one with whom you can be great friends with! And that you know them! And you quickly, add that person on all the social networking giants on which you spend most of the time of your day. And you are happy. That you found a good friend! And when you talk for a long time, you like talking more. With every passing day, that friend of yours, becomes more special. And adds on to write in your "Life Book" a new chapter. Without you realising it. One fine day you realise it, and its not LOVE that I am talking about here. You just realise the darkness of the ink with which this chapter was written in the book. Its DARK and engraved. Like a kid who writes hard pressed with a dark pencil for the first time in his school notebook. It feels good that it has been written. That someone, is so close that HE can edit YOUR "Life Book".


And one fine day, maybe a decade later, while you amble across that same corner of the street, you remember. That bus ride. You walk up to a nearby store to ask about the old man, and you get to hear this:

"How a good man he was though a bit arrogant. In his mid 50's he succumbed to bad health. Living alone in an old shack, he used to garden here to earn daily wages as he lost his job. And all that because of his cunning wife who lives with their kids at a distance of few kms. Sacrificed a lot for them. A man of values he was."

And it feels like déjà vu. You sit alone sipping your favourite coffee. The past cascades in front of you. Its tough to feel, that your favourite networking site doesnt have that "SPECIAL PERSON" anymore. And you flip through the pages of your "Life Book" to find that chapter. Its still there, written in the darkest of ink. But what you see, is that it has been earmarked, and left in midway...........just because a decade earlier, someday your conscience realised that you never KNEW them.

You still knew that old man on the street.


And you get your stomachs filled with a lump that travels up to your throat, choking your conscience. A stinging realisation strikes you. That maybe you were just ballistic in life. You never stopped. And questioned yourself, "Do I KNOW this person?"

And suddenly the page was left half written, because KNOWING is not easy....

Summer '09 - A lavish explanation!

Delhi's temperature is escalating by the day. So I got another AC installed at my place, in the hallway this time. (This step was specially taken for my mum who faces the kitchen heat everyday!) Now I am sitting here. Earlier I used to sit in my own room which, obviously, doesn't have an AC (I am not a descendant of a super filthy rich ancestry, quite the opposite I guess..). But somehow, I feel this AC had a different effect. Because I feel like "writing". After exactly 40 days since I last wrote something.

Anyway, first I would like to describe my absence. My exams started and I had to disappear, and then vacations of more than 2 months were round the corner. I returned home, and was gifted with the news that out of those two months of my holidays, I had to spend 1 interning. So bags packed, and by the end of the first week I was out. A complete travel freak, with sheer clarity I absolutely carved out the frolic journey that I was about to experience. Though I did not even guess, or care to guess, that the frolic would get blotted with patches of quest: about my own self.

Ok, so on the 3rd June late afternoon, the humid greasy late afternoon welcomed me at Ahmedabad airport. It had been over 5 years since I last visited Gujarat. So I realised that this was the 6th time now. My destination was around 2 hours from Ahmedabad. I left the airport by mid late evening, and crossed Baroda and Surat on the way. Though just touching the outskirts of Surat. Reaching the destination, I was told that I had to shifted to the site immediately, which was again 140kms away. The weather mellowed down, with a greyness and cool around. And the person driving the car, I guess, figured out that I loathed lousy speeds. So he pressed the accelerator.....enough to make the air hit my face hard enough. And make me smile as approaching milestones swished past me..........

I reached the site in one hour. Got my accomodation. Settled down, and was told to start work from the next day. I loved the place. The weather. The people. There was hardly any thing that I did not like. Umm...actually there was. My laptop charger got screwed up by the first weekend. And my phone after 3 days of the above disaster. I became restive. Damn frustrated. Though I somehow managed to cure my phone problem, I missed my laptop for the whole period of one full month. Another reason why I could not write. (Reason : Excuse :P).

Anyhow, I started working. 8am to 8pm. Nothing else except work. I used to come online for some wee hours of the night, but blogging was something that I just could not manage. I used to feel like a thoroughly beaten ass by the end of the day due to the work and writing in such an awesome situation was something that I could not afford. I was still human guys. :). Days passed with me working like a full time rented ass, who wasnt provided the liberalness of anything except having his food. That too, if generosity prevailed beyond humane limits.

Two weeks passed and an incredible twist was in store for my modus operandi since I started. I had to meet a really close friend. We met and had fun for four eventful days. For me that acted as a lumpful breather. I relaxed and the beauty of that time is impeccable. A substantial break from work was essential. And such a beautiful break....nothing better that i could have asked for.

"Nothing remains." I knew it. And in less than an eye twitch, I found myself again playing ping pong with tons and tons of iron. And also trying to reason out my decision of coming for my interns. But as I read somewhere very recently, "To have a gain of something, you've got to loose everything first." So work followed. And I followed it.

For the next 15days, I met people, talked on phone, (too much...damn too much..), completed a project ALONE (Supposedly, to be done by 4 people), and waited. WAITED FOR THE LAST DAY. AND MY FIRST EVER TRIP TO MUMBAI!

3rd July 2009, my last day of interns, I could see my bag packed. And I smiled. By the end of June, the rains had set in properly, and it was coldly misty and windy all throughout my way to the railway station. And again, the car was speeding. And again, I was loving it. I got in the train, it shunted, with me sitting by the wet, dripping wet window, and it left the station. It was one beautiful journey. I met people, which I had never done before. I had been to the North, the South and the Central belt of India. But in the West region, no where apart from Rajasthan and Gujarat. As mentioned earlier, being a travel freak I really savored the trip. And rains! They added to the flavour .....



Dadar Jn., 6.45 pm
3rd July 2009.

Yes. I was there! Mumbai welcomed me with...the very famous, Mumbai Rains. The welcome on the station was much better though. I went to a friends place to stay overnight. We discussed college, upcoming results, my journey, women (not those from college! PLEASE!), food, plans for my stay in Mumbai etc. I had to meet two more of my friends who were doing their interns in Mumbai itself and I was excited. Next morning I woke up to this view from the window of the room:


Meeting my other friends at VT, the four of us went to Gateway, (Rainy Gateway!), Taj (Rainy Taj!), and I was exuberant! Seeing such a beauty, which I could not ever find in Delhi, I regretted the short stay I had planned for Mumbai. Marine Drive, Chaupati, Gateway, Taj, Causeway....and what not. Though I know I could not have covered a lot, I was still satisfied. The next day was another beautiful experience. I spent the whole day with special people and attended the workshop that was planned with a very good friend. The nights and the days were memorable. The next day I met a friend for lunch and spent the day with another very good friend. However the night was unimaginable. LITERALLY. I was with two of my very close friends, and we had planned dinner together. And marine drive was added to the plan. So I was at marine drive at 12.30am. Bliss, for me atleast. But my mood wasnt the way I had imagined it to be. I could not even think. Something happened and ...........and the "quest-blot" was there.

Another main reason I did not feel like writing for more than 10days now.

Though with a complex ending, this was one hell of a time I spent. And thus could not blog. Work was tiring, but hell interesting. Imagine, what you just read in books and see in pictures and read in long boring paragraphs, everything happening right in front of you! And then meeting people, friends, some for the first time, some for the nth time! And that too in Rainy Mumbai!

Now I am back in Delhi. Hope that I remain regular. Though it might take time for revival, but the spirit in me is surely poking me in the ribs. And waking me up....



(By the way people, I got royally screwed up right now for keeping the AC on for hours continously............. :P) .

Just A Human

Hi ppl...i know i disappeared for a long time. Though im wondering how many of you missed me... :P (thinking...thinking... :D) anyway...dis is my post after a very long tym.... and i hope its worth a try...after a long time!

I dont want this to go bad,
I dont want this to be this way,
Swallowing your memories everyday...

I dont want it to crawl,
Like a baby after a fall,
I dont want it to bleed an ocean at all.....

Then why,
Why dont i feel you anymore,
But still i dont wanna let this go..

Why,
Why do I wait for your call,
When i dont wanna say a word at all..

Lifes been busy, so am I,
So are you, and so is Time,
People came and went,
Some became foes..some became friends,
Still you stood strong, firm and unswyaed,
In my heart, that felt betrayed,
Yet for 8 painful months, it unfailingly craved........

I miss going mad about you,
I dont know if you do,
I miss that hiding under the pillow,
During nights when lights went off, but hidden smiles still glow,
I miss the long phone calls, I miss the messages leaving me blue,
I still miss that love, that I showered on my "baby" you...

But you turned it this way,
No words were left to say,

I fell on my knees and bruised my heart,
Cried and shouted, on seeing you depart...

But you didnt look back,
And just went away,
Girl, i wish you knew,
How i spent every single day....

Booming voices haunted my nights,
Empty desires filled the day,
Silence dawned with every rising sun,
An atheist fell on knees to pray...!

And now you reappear, afer 8 agonizing months,
In the moon while i was staring at it,
And say that "You love me",
And say that you want me..

I am left bedazzled,
I am benumbed,
And then i am elated!
To see you return..!

I wanna hug, i wanna kiss,
I wanna ask, what was this!!?

But here the hell falls apart,
I feel accustomed, to the vacant heart,
Betrayal engulfs the soul of me,
I feel nothing, but an uprooted tree...

You say "Forget the past",
"Lets make a new start",
I wish I had a potion to drink,
Which would sprout love in my heart...

I see the mirror
And just a pair of eyes stare back,
No body no soul, No feelings to hold...

You left me stranded, and questions grew,
And now you are back, and want nothing to brew?
How do you think thats possible girl,
I loved you a lot, But i lived lonely too.....

I wish we talked it out,
I wish it to be back,
I wish you tell me HOW TO BELIEVE YOU.....

My soul wants answers,
To the barbarism it went through,
I wish to love you back again,
But with a love that is true..

I wish you knew what it feels like,
To want and not want the one you loved,
I wish you knew what it feels like,
To spend a wait, thats hell above...

I just dont want it to go bad,
I dont want it to be this way,
I just wish you understand,

Girl I am Just A Human..
A simple Human every day.....

Girl i am Just a Human...
A simple human everyday..........................................

PS: apreciations, and criticism both awaited eagerly... :P

The Moment (Part III)

Hi guys!..Me back with the third part.... :) Hope you enjoy this.... Have fun!! ;) The first two are:
1- here
2- here




The Journey

"Abe kya hua.....?" His friend nudged him. And the picture dissolved. The picture of his Wonder Girl. He was still fighting with his thoughts. When something frustrating of this magnitude happens, and people expect you to 'relax' and be 'normal'; its all the more frustrating. Sitting in that autorickshaw, with his feet rested on his suitcase, he looked at Bangalore swifting past him, with the wind slapping hard against his "Gulgula Cheeks". Gulgula .... with this word he felt, as if his mind shifted gears. To the present.

They stepped off the auto. His friend paid the autowallah as he stepped at the entryway, flanked by rose bushes and moneyplants and a marble staircase leading to the floors above. He waited for his friend, and as he was staring at the beautiful flat, he got the usual one on the back of his head. "Come on, move!" And he sensed he made a joke of himself. He was staring at the wrong house. It was the one besides. Absent mindedness was his virtue since he became aware of himself, which is every single morning. So he moved to the flat, which surely did look like a room on rent for an engineering student. Black patches of worn off paint on the walls, typical dusty floor, half broken steps of the cemented stairs ...and what not! They went in, and the aroma of food greeted them. Their stomachs seemed to purge gastric juices like the water spewed out of a gardners thin pipe, and they understood the call of hunger. Without further delay, he was asked to get fresh and appear for lunch...at the floor, on the widespread clothsheet, unlike his expectations of a dining table. But his adaptability rescued him. He went for a shower, and the soothingly refreshing water shut his mind and relaxed every inch of his scalp. And then restarted his mind. And it struck to him. Tomorrow, he would be having lunch with her. After a span of 2 years. And he smiled.

After the food, lounging on the bean chair was the best idea. It had been an hour or so since they got over with lunch, and discussing about last year coaching classes. The smooth wind caressing him, and his hair freshly fluffy, he stood up with his cup of cappuccino, he could see almost a lot of Bangalore from this terrace. And memories, and excitement erupted as a combination. They both discussed, about meeting after a year, about what all they encountered in the past year, about lost friends, about not getting through exams, about not becoming doctors but engineers! Anything and everything under the blue moon. Friendship blossomed after a very long time, as this young college life gifted them one thing both were seeking since last year: Peace.


The sun faded away, and dusk set in. Afternoon in Bangalore also seemed like an evening time. Atleast to him, as he was used to the hot, sweaty and humid Delhi air. They had fun talking about everything, and now it was time to move out. Roam around in Bangalore. Discover what he had not in the previous visit. They went to his friend's college, and he enjoyed the visit. As soon as they were about to walk back to the room, after having a hot chocolate fudge each, after he was shown the beauty around (both scenic and otherwise), he recollected that he had to buy something. A gift. A gift for her. Tomorrow he would travel 300 kms away from this place. Just to see her after 2 long, patient and uptight years. A conscious , beautiful yet humming excitement filled his heart. And he bought the gift..smiling at his own stupid, lovestruck self. All his friend used to ask him was, "Hua kya hai tujhe? I know tu yahaan kyun aaya hai...but fir bhi??!!! Are you insane?" And his consistent unwavering reply woould be, "Tu nahi samjhega."


Next morning the train was supposed to be boarded at 6:00 am. But owing to the 3 movies and "college life fun stuff" last night with his friend and his three other friends, he realised that it was 9:00am when he woke up. Laughing at themselves, they got ready and he asked his friend the remaining alternatives. "Catch the earliest bus. Main tujhe Majestic pe drop kardunga." Without delay they left. And dropping him at Majestic, for a first time journey to the destination, his friend left, wishing him best of journey and a safe one more importatntly. Attributing to the hurry and the excitement, he just jumped in an average bus, and left Bangalore at around 9:45am. All that was left now, was just the meeting. After just about 6 hours. It seemed like a dream come true. And considering the fact that she had the knowledge that he would be arriving three days from present day, this surprise arrival would surely be eventful and memorable!

Witnessing the beauty on the way, he did not sleep for even a fraction of second. The company in the bus was not really one to keep him busy. So his headphones, and the cool breeze were his friends. The sight of windmills at a distance, on the mountains, looked like a call. A call towards love. The flashback started. Her vibrant face lit up as he closed his eyes. The moments together, the warm hugs, the numerous passionate kisses, the unparalleled fun, the annoying tease statements, the coaching class footsie, the class bunks to be together, the assuring hand holds, the early morning fights, the unending phone conversations all throughout the nights....everything became vividly alive and tingled him somewhere inside. He was sure... something memorable is so damn sure to happen!

He walked towards the gate and could see her friend with whom he made the plan to surprise her. Surprise her by arriving 3 days earlier than she was told. Her friend waved energetically enough to confirm him that she was his partner in crime! They met and took the next step as decided...bring her there for a random reason. Her friend went to find her. He stood there. There, in front of the gate, near that dhaba. The view of the walkway from where she would come was blocked as he stood just besides, sticking to the wall at the turn. Yet far away from the turn. The surprise element was gripping him from inside. He was about to see her. Damn! It was happening. Everything inside him was haywire, but unlike girls, he could not let it get revealed on his descriptive, now red hot excitement filled face. Unknowingly his feet were tapping alternately, and his palms rabbing against each other.


Then all movement was paused. He could hear the footsteps, standing at a distance from the corner, sticking to the wall. Steps of many people walking. Like 3-4 of them.

His breath suddenly fell deep in his throat, he could feel his stomach intensely churning as the steps came real close, just around the corner...











PS: Guys I had to rush somewhere, so will update it soon. I guess it might be having some mistakes... :D

Often..

Often the path of "undisputed" love,
Unbelievably weakens and gets pinned down,
By the blood stained hands of the malevolent destiny,
With scars of petty mistakes bleeding around..

Often we wonder why and how,
Smiles metamorphosed into grieving lours,
Why that site becomes the foulest one,
Where we spent our myriad hours...


Then Often we wish,
To return.
To Walk down the lane,
And reach the Turn..

Where we once stood holding their hand,
But now all that remains is a barren land...


So here, at this restive turn,
We wish, and cast a deadly spell,
Rip apart the sky...flame the Earth,
And careen.. and fall, to wake up in hell..






But we choose this agony..to survive it, In hope..
In hope to reunite the two soul gores,

And thus we parley so much more..

Parley in symphony with demons of hell,
With the very famous demon known as "DaYs Of YoRe" (DoY)!

And we fight, we argue, we fight, we lose,
We win, we lose, we fail with moves,
We adopt to IGNORE, but DoY scores!
Hauls the memories out of our grooves!

And like this we struggle, alone till months,
Fighting one on one the likes of DoY,
And with the "Sword of Patience" and "The Faith Gun",
Victorious you rise! But then you fall mum..

The redness of fire dissolves and its silent,
The place is now Heaven blue, with nothing as violent...

And then you hear the steps,
The walk of a very familiar form,
And out of the white haze,
You see THEM!

THEM, for whom you were bruised for months prolonged!

And a sudden light spreads around,
Engulfs the two of you, and jars you down,
And you wake up with THEM lying in your arms,
So tranquil yet bruised, you kiss them around..




Often this is a story thats seen around,
And Often it happens with people who love,
Its a wish not to soil it again and keep it crowned,
Because Often ...this LOVE is pure as dove...

The Moment (Part II)

Hey guys.. Here's the second one...! ;P Cheers :)

The Journey
As his head collided with the wall of the train compartment, he managed to take a glance first at his watch and then outside the window. It was 5 am. He could hear the monotone of the "chaiwalla" which confirmed their halt at a station. He managed to look out with his heavy, tired eyes after clearing the hazy glass window. The dawn was on the verge of greeting him. It was bluish-white, windy and supposedly cold outside. He could see the red cloth getting swayed high up and vanishing in the air of Bina Jn. He was weel versed with the way now. Every station and its timing was etched subtly in his memory. Discarding every suggestion his mind put forth, he slided down back and was about to close his eyes. When his eyes fell on something. Something so captivating that he could not sleep anymore! He positioned himself to the maximum view and got fixed.

Alight by the blueness of the pre-dawn light, the girl in front seemed to be having the best sleep of her life. The blanket was just below her chin, as if intentionally slided down by God to let her pearlish, smooth and fairly white face light up the surroundings. The air inside the compartment was slowly meddling with her blonde tresses making the streaks slip and fall on her smooth cheeks with their ends falling on her thin yet seducing lips. He could feel the bewilderment caused to him. He routinely checked if someone around him was awake and staring at him perplexed at the beautiful sight. He could have wished for nothing better. And those moments were interrupted by a lady. Oh! How he cursed her! How he wanted to pause that moment of eloquent beauty! But as he wished for more the train screechingly came to a halt. He was about to move. But, she moved first.

Opening her angelic eyes, he looked towards him. And got conscious. Sat up straight, and slided near the window. She yawned and stretched reluctantly, conscious about her impeccable beauty.
He got conscious too, of his not-so-finely carved actions as she had. But what men are known for, he too was busy in portraying "cool" and "I-dont-care" attitude. When she struck.

Her: "Where have we reached?"

Him: (Looking towards her with extreme "coolness" and fumbles) Itawa...oh sorry...Itarsi Jn.

Her: Ohk! Thank You.

She took out her phone and called someone. After disconnecting the call, she comforted herself on the seat and looked out. He gathered all courage and blurted:

Him: Going to Bangalore?

Her: (Smiling) Yes.

Him: So you belong to Delhi or just paid a visit here?

Her: Arre nahi, main to dilli me hi rehti hun. Near east of kailash. Bangalore to bas relatives se milne jaa rahi hun. Tum kahaan se ho?

He never expected such comfort from her! Not at all! She sounded like she knows him since her birth! And he replied:

Him: Delhi se hi hun. Just completed my first semester of college. Chuttiyan thi to doston se milne jaa raha hun.

Her: Ohk! So you seem to be more of a "all-for-my-friends" person! Masti karne ka plan hai poora!?

And something inside him took a sigh of relief! And they hit off! Lunch time approached and both of them knew almost every detail about wach other. He told he stared at her in the morning, she hit him with her hands. She told him that she was scared of him in the starting, and he gave her a hi-five for theor friendship now! They went to the train door, stood there. Whole afternoon. They laughed upon the fact that why did they pay for the A/C ticket if they had to stand out only! They gossiped endlessly. Around 6, they reached Dharmavaram. And they stepped off the train on the platform.

The evening sky greeted them. They took a plate of daal-pakoda and shared it. The train moved, and they ran towards it! Climbed it and laughed their hearts out! Nothing awkward had happened yet. And there wasn't any scope if it either. Acoording to him only. They teased each other, exchanged phone numbers, exchanged hugs, and became best of friends. The journey was perfect. They had dinner together, played a game of checkers, discussed about their professional goals, about their families, about their interests, likes and dislikes...anything and everything under the sky! He felt like as if this was better than reaching Bangalore. They conversed till 3am. Talking on every random topic they could. Talking endlessly. When finally she said that she was hell tired and wanted to sleep. He agreed. But before dozing off, she struck again:

She: Oye! Idhar aa...
He: (Leaning Forward)
She: (Planted the smoothest and the most caressing kiss on his cheek)
He: Ye kya tha?
She: Kuch nahi...aish kar! Aur so ja!

Next morning something awkward did happen. He woke up at 11.30 and was amazed at a note in his pocket which read:

"Hi idiot,
Remember I didnt tell you something yesterday at Dharmavaram? I am suffering from breast cancer. I was not going to Bangalore. I will get off at 5am. You are snoring like a bear! I am going to get myself checked. Infact to get myself confirmed, that am I really gonna survive only 3 months or can I expect myself on this Earth for a bit longer time.

You commented that I came across to you as a girl who doesnt fear anything. Yes I dont! Coz' I dont fear death now! Its been 6 months now since i was diagnosed. And it doesnt matter anymore. Theres just one thing that matters to me now. YOU. Yes I Love You! I know thats bad but I can't help it! And I am as usual chirpy and telling you this with all my cuteness. So smile.

And by the way, we won't meet ever. And won't be able to talk also. (The no. I gave you is wrong. I didnt want you to go mad trying to contact me!) And nothing is SERIOUS. I JUST LIKE YOU. So dont be caring and sad as usual and dont think about me. Just take care of yourself and live life happily! I hope you find a girl who loves you lot! And takes care of you and your bhullakadness! I am happy. I will be happy always, even after leaving this world. (Maybe because I met you in the last moments!) Dont you worry.

Ok ab mera station aa raha hai. Mujhe jaana hoga. (Picchli baar bhi teri wajah se hi chhootne wala tha!) Please khush rahiyo and be with your family. Children are treasures of their parents. Make them proud.

Mmmwaah! Bbye!

Yours,
Wonder Girl. :)"


He didnt know what to do. He couldnt absorb it. He just couldnt. He went to the washroom and cried his heart out. Feeling light he returned to his seat. In just 3o some hours, he met a beautiful human being, me awarded her the place of one of the most treaured relations he had in his now lost heart. And now he had to delete the place. He had to erase everything. It was damn tough.

Sitting at the seat, the sun shone upon him. He couldnt feel it. How he wished he could see his wonder girl once again and scold her. And then hug her. How he wished he would have guessed her feelings. He just considered her a very good friend. How could he not see it in her! And then he knew. Her eloquent beauty enshrouded her feelings. Her pearlish fairly white faced decieved him. Her blonde hair hid every single of her desires under it. How he wished he could have told her that he is already commited. That he is going to meet his someone special to Bangalore.

Lost in his agonizing wishes, he saw the yellow board of Bangalore Jn. nearing him. The train halted. He stepped off the train and tried to forget the incident as a nightmare. But it failed. It was tagged. Embedded in him. He did not tell anyone about this ever in future. He just wondered, "Can anything be more spontaneously hurting? Can anything be more devastating?"

And securely placing the journey and "Her" on the sacred pedestal named "My Wonder Girl" in himself, he stepped ahead and greeted his friend with a smiling face, and a crying heart...

An accidental morning... (ewww!)

At this point of time, I am experiencing such vivid twirls in my heart, that it makes me go bonkers in my brain. Its 6:31 am and the first thought that came to my mind was, "What the hell am I doing online at this time? Am I really awake!!? Or is it a dream that refuses to establish its identity! How the hell could you commit this sin of getting up so early!!" Running in the meadow of my beautiful thoughts, some erogenous, some tempting me enough to just close my eyes and just fall back to sleep, others alarming me of the conscious battle fury which I engaged myself into last night, dedicated towards making a decision of studying this semester... I decide to just pen down my state right now.

Why am I wasting time here on net? I should be studying instead! That was the primer. The frozen nerve feeling at my pinky, arising from the elbow joint managed to dissuade me from me drawing conclusions. I got reminded of this friend of mine. A very close friend. According to her, I 'malfunction' after 12 o'clock in the night. And again in the morning with the sun, I transcend into this personality of a normal engineering student. I wonder how this is possible? Have I grown into one classic case of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)? What crap am I thinking at 6:30 in the morning!!!!!!!!!!

I break my reverie with the help of her reminiscences fruiting inside me. I get this non familiar feeling of discomfort inside me. Surprizingly discomfort as this wasn't associated with her. Actually, this shouldn't be associated with her. Like you jolt, when you accidently touch a metallic frame of a cooler without earthing, I too jolted, though all inside on the thought of her being with me again. I so wish not to think about it. Successfull in this attempt to curb this feeling, I draw out the curtains to let the sunshine embrace my face and make it warm..I open my eyes and let the light fall upon me..and then it clicked:

"To hell with everything, its just 6:45! Go to sleep moron!!"

And allowing myself for this, I fall back on this routine hostel bed of mine, with this blue printed bedsheet, and just wonder, "how damn random can my life be? I woke up at 6:30 in the morning to write this thing!!!?? Do I really need medical care?

No, maybe its just the "malfunction". And I enjoy it. It lets me introspect in my mad mad way. Though its some crappy, insignificant stuff that breeds in my useless brain, it does find its significance on its own at some later point in time. In life. And what could be more comforting than the feeling of knowing yourself, knowing your desires and being able to soul-search with effectiveness? This could be enough to eradicate the evil around in humanity if people dwell upon their innerselves. Just randomly like it happened with me this accidental morning. And then this applies:
"If you know what you want, then you know how to work towards getting it." Simple.

The Moment(Part I)

Hey guys..this is something which I wanted to post for a long time now. A series, with its first part right here. Hope you enjoy reading...!


THE BEGINNING
"Yes its happening!" He enjoyed this tingling echo which he felt every 10 minutes now! Fiddling with his plans continuously, he packed his suitcase and waited eagerly for the taxi to arrive. His parents were experiencing utmost joy seeing their son smiling like never before. Acknowledging the happiness, he stood up. Went and hugged his mom and said, "Maa, thank you for this." And he heard the horn. Retaining the giddiness, he hugged everyone and almost ran down the stairs and seated himself in the car. This was the beginning of the journey.

All the way to the station he had postulated. About this step of his. Just for her. Just for both of them. After 1.5 years this was happening! And that too like this! He stepped at Platform No. 1 of New Delhi Railway Station. The usual paranoia of the place failed to disengage him from his giddiness. Monday night was surely a busy day at the station. A push here and a pull there..everything was perfect. The same lady clad in a green suit, was at the enquiry. He knew her. She waived at him and expressed her wish to talk to he. He managed his way in the cubicle and sat besides her, and she came up with her usual question, "Ab Kahaan?"

Him: "Bangalore".

Her: "Firse?"

Him: "Haanji aunty, but picchli 4 baar ki tarah, is baar exam denen nahi jaa raha!"

Her: "Then for what?"

Him: "Arre nothing, just to meet a friend. Summer break in college so planned this."

Her: "Ok!"

And someone demanded her to do her job and she got busy. She didnt know which friend. She could even guess an ounce of excitement that he posessed at that instance. He left and bought himself a Sprite and waited at the bench. And in 15 mins, at around 8.45 pm he could hear the shunting of the train. He boarded it and searched for his berth. He wished for good company. And seeing a beautiful girl right in front of him, his wish was granted..like it had been for the past 3 months of his life! 36 hours of journey awaited him. Tucking his suitcase under the seat, and covering himself in is warm blanket, he made himself comfortable. The train moved in the typical suddenness. A suddenness that somehow complemented the darkness out of the window. And the chilly cold inside the A/C compartment. The sound of Nickelback greeted his ears as he put the headphones on. With cute kids playing around, and this beautiful girl buried consciously in her Robin Cook novel, he felt it. Its going to be just about perfect. Like The Beginning, the journey was surely going to be one of his best...


PS: I write here too.

The Unexplainaible

A man started penning down his diary entry as usual.


"Dear diary,
This would be my last entry.


"Lift the lid. It would be underneath my plate..yes, that one. The brown one." His cracked voice seemed to consume all the breath he collected the 2 struggling hours. Shivering hands, and an impregnable desire in his blind eyes, led me to do what he requested. I picked it up and blew off the dust from the hardbound cover. There it was embedded in bold magenta, the words, "Diary 1958".

The sounds of the vintage cars, the wailing of the kids in the market, the beer cans on the streets and the trucks thumping up and down the lanes... Germany was full of life on a sunny October afternoon. His hair and the sunlight were true lovers. They could not be seperated. There was this peculiar yet familiar zing around his character. He possessed a very prominent spark in him. The one which you get when you feel that you are the happiest...you are on top of this materialistic world. When you achieve something as rare as true peace. It was this spark that drove me to him. Everyday at 2pm. Regularly, now...for the past 12 years.

I looked at the rusted clock behind me. I can look now, was a random feeling that arose. Its been 9 years since that smoke made me blind, and I underwent an eye transplant. But this random feeling arises in me very frequently now. Flipping through the pages with sheer disinterest, I glanced at him. He was smiling. I wished that I could ask, "Do you realise I have other patients to attend? Can you be quick?" But I couldnt because i just couldnt be rude to him. So I asked,"Abel, which part do you really want me to read out to you?" He replied in his broken, husky, and now typical Abel Goldstein voice, "I wish you could read all of it out to me, but now as you can't, read after March 1979. And be loud."

He said that like a weak command. But I began. With the doubt-"why is he making me read aloud his own diary?" I could not decipher the logic. Ignoring the desire to decipher, I started reading. There were mentions of his new job, the new apartment he bought, his first self paid trip to Frankfurt, his first love..every random incident of his life was inked in blue on those dry parchment like pages. As I reached September 1979, I started feeling awkward. Terribly awkward. I felt immobilized.

I read something:



"September 18th, 1979.

Today you gave birth to my boy. I am so happy! I want to fly! I cannot control my emotions when I touch his pulpy head, see his engrossing stare! I thank you, Samantha, for being my wife. I love you like anything..Today you gave me the most precious gift of my life. I wont forget bed No. 312 on which you lie right now. I promise I would die on it. I am so happy for both of us. I know you love me a lot. I so wish your father accepts us. I know thats not a possibility, as I am a doctor, and he doesnt want a doctor as your husband. I know you must be having thoughts troubling you in your mind about deciding not to drop the child and bring him him to life without marrying me. But I promise we would marry. Thank you sweetheart. I love you."



October 21st, 1979

This would be my last entry. Samantha, you promised you wont leave me...I never imagined this would happen. Your father didnt kill YOU, he killed both of us. I have no strength left to write anything more. I would just like to say one thing. I named him Ron. Ron Baker. I donated him to an orphanage 20 days back. I dont know why I did that. Maybe because I had to marry someone else. But I promise I would be around him always. You would always be my wife, and he..my son. I love you both."



I read this sentence and he asked for his diary. He kept it upside down on himself and placed both his hands on it. I froze on the chair I was sitting on, and kept staring at him...lying there unmoved.

Next morning, HE died of unknown reasons. And I witnessed his death with my eyes....rather his eyes. And this was the game.

Dr. Ron Baker
October 21st, 2008."

US!

Where the door is not shut, instead it is slammed,
Where the most important thing to us is our CS Clan,
The day always starts after dinner, and ends in a "Damn!",
We call that place a "Hostel", where life always hits a bang!

The eyes struggle open two minutes before class,
The hunger is excruciating, we can agree to eat yellow grass!
Still we get up, and wear a week old uniform,
And run to class to face a sleepy storm!

And a realization gets born, in our half asleep conscience,
"This is the last day, from tomorrow all this should end",
And the moment we step in our actually filthy but "clean" den,
The resolution decays like Uranium as we pretend!

And the days fly by, and we forget whats a breakfast,
Movies are our food for soul, 3 a day, or 1 on a fast,
Pranks become a way of life, the musics on 24hours,
Undisputed freedom lies within, restrictions become a thing of the past...!!

All goes well till the time arrives,
4 days for the first exam is what we are supposed to realise,
"Ho jayega, tension nahi leni",
Chanting this mantra, we absorb fake respite!

Now comes the memory unbound,
Of the moms food, and dad around,
Home seems the ultimate breather,
And nail biting the activity around!

Phones switched off, even for home calls,
We holds hands together, and face the course as it stands tall,
Maggi at 2:00 am, and quarter soup at 4:00,
That is the saver staple for us all...

Last exam is always a pain,
Homes calling once again!!
Widest smiles can be seen that day,
And faces read "Here we go away!"

Life in a hostel rocks alive,
In such few lines, it cannot be described,
Friends and politics, live together,
But what we hostelers live, is called LIFE!!!!




PS: Cross posted on the Lounge

The Solitary Ring

Hi ppl... been such a long tym since i posted last... busy with exams(yuck!) and other stuff... I missed writing a lot! but then now i am back...and this time with a poem inked on the paper of reality.....

Hope its a reasonable return!! Enjoy.. ;)



Burdened and strained my sight wanders,
Lands upon the cold night crescent,
Eyes close and twitch..with a sought after wish,
To restore the sanctity....and once again, not to face the end..

They were several, the months of jeopardised existence,
Spent alone, being friends with walls
That moment was one hell of the demons claw,
The one in which you disconnected the 'final call'..


It fell apart,
I was stranded on an empty road,
Left alone with that unbound restiveness,
And the broken ring, to coruscate it more..

But safely I hid the broken piece,
In the mud..out in the field,
So i could take it out the day i see,
The sunrise on the beach, with you besides me...

Hope was all that was left,
A strong belief that you will return,
Hours and days nd weeks and months,
Time stopped, My wishes didn't...

Then a day came, infact 'THE DAY' came,
Despair got flogged by the hands of hope,
Though we had started talking a fortnight ago........

That night LOVE triumphed.....

You said "it", and the ring emerged,
Through the wet sand....and life eloped!

Or so it seemed?? Cause' the demons are here,
They go nowhere,
Mistakes were realised, but still were repeated,
Frustration surrounded,
The purpose defeated!!

Alas! It was an illusuion of the desire,
A week to bolster the "fall" a bit higher!
You were not the defaulter, neither was I,
But now why do "I" feel, the urge to say goodbye???

What not i did?
What not i sacrificed?,
For us to see the sun together,
Of what not i got deprived?

Now I hold the Solitary Ring,
Isolate and and desolate, in the dead centre of my palm,
I know not what the truth is, I know not how to get you along..
You havent changed so your silence will doubtlessly repeat
At my every question, so i already comprise inconceivable defeat,

It has not yet reached the end, You are not yet gone,
I am puzzled to solve you, been through hell and beyond!
Left again with the hope to get reborn,
and too many questions......and the fear of the next dawn....

Its Not Our Fault.. (Part II)

No we don’t have to. But the question is, what is there that we can do? And the painful but ironical answer is Nothing! Nothing until the Law wakes up. I wonder, and present one question in front of you:

What will you do to stop the incidents of rape by setting an example if a convict is handed over to YOU? Completely. Without any restrictions?

If this question is asked to me, I will transform from what I really am. The people around me know I am a person with not a single violent bone in my body and that I also don’t support barbarism. But if I would have been given an opportunity like the above one, I would have surely done something similar to the movie Gangaajal. Yes I would have, with not even a single regret. I would have made him feel what PAIN feels like. And not only the physical pain. The pain of facing the society. The pain of seeing your scarred soul in the mirror. The pain of that girl who was raped by 10 men one by one, and then left desolated, the pain of her family who is expected to answer questions charged at them while they fight the trauma they are facing. I would surely try to do what I can to set an example for all those criminal born minds out there. And I expect that every single person reading this should feel the same. The problem is that, I would never be allowed to do it. None of us would.. The only issue is that we are JUST NOT ALLOWED and to the government, STINKING VOTE BANKS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE LIFE OF THAT SIMPLE MBA GIRL STUDENT WHICH IS NOW SCARRED FOR LIFE. Thats why I say, its not our FAULT. We have empty palms. We are just expected to sit in hopeless rallies, to give empty speeches, to pay donations major part of which goes to the safes of those characterless, stinking and corrupt termites who are eating up the inside of this country to fill their stomachs. We are just expected to be mere spectators of the felony that our own people face, which we are indirectly made to breed.

It would be really disturbing to even IMAGINE one of our own family members going through something unfortunate, wouldn’t it?

So to prevent this, we have no flipendo sticks with us to do magic. It would consume time, but it needs to START. We need to stop giving rallies on child abuse, and start with HOW TO TERMINATE IT!

We need to enlighten our government, not the public!

And if our giant infected embodiment of corruption does not have enough ideas to execute, Ask us! ASK THE BROTHER OF THAT GIRL! Ask the father of that girl! We will provide you ideas! We will show HOW, if one convicts goes through something barbaric and horrendous just ONCE, by the hands of public or the government and if this is aired on LIVE TV instead of our so loved scripted talent shows and utterly uninformative news of earth ending in 2013, or a buffalo flying...............the next criminal would probably think a hundred times before risking his life under the blades of unhuman and barbaric treatment.

...and soon every child would feel free...

...and soon every elderly would live free...

...and soon every family would celebrate freedom...

Oh yeah....

...and soon...

“ladkiyon ko kisi se bhaagne ki zarurat nahi padegi..”.



PS: cross posted on weandwords.blogspot.com

Its Not Our Fault..(Part I)

I recently saw Ghajini. To be true, according to me, except aamir, the rest of the acting looked like being really untrained. I mean, the policewaala runs, then Aamir runs behind him and then Jiah follows! What idiocy? But yes, even though it was a remake of Memento, the story somehow managed to leave a little bit of impression on me. Anyhow, I am certainly not here to portray my critical abilities. Then what made me describe this? Yesterday’s headlines.

To start with I would like to share my immediate reaction to the text i read. Owing to the inherent monotonousness of the event, it did not provoke anything in me, except, putting it down in words. I am confident about my assumption, which is that this very same feeling would have been there in many psyches who would have read those unfortunately familiar words. Its not at all rare! Its really common. Probably so common, that even if a grotesque and monstrous image of it appears on any of the news channels, we dont halt anymore. Our souls are not hoicked. Our mind is so preoccupied by the worries of the latest brands that we have to buy today, or by the meeting with some international big shots who have managed their nation so well that they rarely come across events like this, or by a social party we have to attend in the evening...we are so accompanied by these “essentialities” that the echoing holler of the half naked and severely bruised girl lying on that pavement or the dirty gutter, not dirtier than the Indian pervert psyche, goes shamelessly unnoticed.

I glanced at that text , “A 24yr old MBA student raped in Noida”, and immediately that dialogue by this new actress Asin, in Ghajini reverberated in me- “Kin kin logon se bhaagengi ladkiya..” As I had mentioned earlier, it really did not jerk me. A thought, or half, would have struck me and the next moment I was reminded of an important call that I had to make. And this very news faded away in the already populated (read: polluted) conscious of mine. But something did make me think about this for long and arrive at a very obvious conclusion which needed to be highlited. The next day, i.e. today, that news had been allotted a small corner of page three in the main newspaper, but the shocking part is, it contained something really horrendous. An aged man, probably a mukhiya of the village where the incident took place, was highlighted making this statement, “So what? The girl was JUST raped. Its not a big deal.” This was something really dismaying. That too, coming from an elderly!! This statement baffled me to a very unexpected extents. I was shocked. In fact, for that matter, I still am. My mind could not arrive at anything but one statement, “Its not OUR mistake”.

Yes its not. Its not our mistake that we do not pay any attention. Or we do not act much except for expressing our grief and commenting on events like this and then forgetting about it. Its the mistake of the Indian Law enforcement agencies, and the government, or in the words of a layman, the RULES which are there in India. I quote another example from the Indian cinema highlighting my point. The movie Gangaajal. I know..whats the first thought that would come to anyone reading this. No! We can’t be barbaric! I know...even I used to say such things. And I know myself that I am not a person who has a violent bone in my body, or supports any kind of barbarism. But I have a few questions to everyone reading this:

How much PATIENCE are we supposed to keep and how much BELIEF are we supposed to have in the authorities’ perennial hollow promises?

How many times do we have to stray ourselves away from this bitter and ghastly truth that The Indian Law and Order is a perfect embodiment of WASTE OF RESOURCES AND BRAINS?

Are we supposed to nurture these rapes, and murders, and child abuse etc by just looking “away” from them accepting the fact that we can do NOTHING?

(contd..)

PS: Cross posted on The Lounge